Vampire Verbs
As a writer, you may be unaware of a dastardly threat lurking in your prose. Seductive and insidious, these verbs entwine themselves in your writing, invading your thoughts and lulling you into a false sense of security.
Vampire verbs.
Verbs which suck the life out of your writing, ruthlessly bleeding your sentences until they’re dry and emotionless, little more than tinder.
“To Be” verbs.
To Be Or Not To Be, That is the Question
When you read writing advice telling you to avoid “to be” verbs (was, is, etc) there are two primary reasons.
1) They tell rather than show.
2) They’re wishy-washy, inactive verbs.
Show and Tell
He was so angry he could hardly speak.
You just TOLD me he was angry. As a reader, that’s boring. I’m not invited to draw my own conclusion or visualize anything at all. Some of this is bound to happen in most books, but a lot of newbie writing is filled with phrase after phrase of this. She was angry, he was sad, she was hungry, he was constipated (okay, that last one? Maybe I don’t want any florid prose added to it, mmkay?)
He sucked in a breath, hands balling into fists at his side. Jaw clenched, he couldn’t find the words to respond.
Hopefully, that second one is an improvement over the first. The idea is to SHOW the reader how angry he is. Do a word search through your manuscript for the word “Was”. How many times do you use it to tell the reader something you could show them instead? It’s a flag, waving and begging you, the writer, to go back and pay attention to it.
Lazy Verbs
He was whistling as he walked down the street. There was a bounce in his step and he was winking at all the ladies he passed.
Try again.
He whistled as he walked down the street. A bounce in his step, he winked at all the ladies he passed.
Not one, not two, but THREE “was” removals later, we have a more dynamic scene.
One “was” removal stemmed from the previous rule – I was telling you he had a bounce in his step instead of showing you the bounce. Two of the “was” removals illustrated the lazy verb rule. Pretty much every time your character “was doing” something, remove it and just let the character DO the action.
- “she was dancing” > “she danced”
- “she was drinking” > “she drank”
- “she was smiling” > “she smiled”
- “she was walking” > “she walked”
- “she was thinking” > “she thought”
Summary
You can tie your brain into knots trying to remove every single “was” in your writing. The rule isn’t THAT absolute, but it is still a very good rule, regardless.
“Was” is a flag word in your manuscript. Do a FIND on it in your favorite word processing software and evaluate every single occurrence of it. If it’s inactive, lazy, or telling, stab it through the heart with a wooden stake. It’s leeching the vibrancy from your prose, a vampire among verbs.
While you didn’t say so (perhaps because it’s too scary to contemplate for a short, blonde, female Norwegian from Texas A&M), it’s just one tiny step from vampire verbs into that depthless chasm of death known as “passive voice.” (Hmm…maybe that’s why it’s called “passive voice:” Your writing has died and…passed on. :P)
As always, insightful article, and something for me to add to my editing list!
Steve Hall´s last blog ..Saucy Writing Prompt: Dictionary and Pest
@Steve
Thhhbbtt. I used vampire and zombie icons! I ain’t a’skeer’d a nuthin’!
Which … pretty much just means I forgot to mention it. *laughs* Glad you enjoyed it!
Don’t let your manuscript join the ranks of the walking dead, folks!
Psssst….your title is missing the R. =D
Tristina´s last blog ..Dear Olivia
@Tristina
Bleargh, I didn’t even notice. *fixes* Thanks!
=D For a second I thought you did it on purpose like some crazy Transylvanian accent.
Tristina´s last blog ..Dear Olivia
@Tristina
Nope, seems my spellchecker didn’t flag it, is all. =]
You SURE that is a vampire up there at the top? Maybe he is a zombie vampire… Poor chap on the bottom is missing his skull people! That meanie up top didn’t just suck his blood, he took a bite outta him!
:-D
Byrd´s last blog ..Today, the 29th of January (Sorta)
Lies!? My last blog was not Today, the 29th of January (Sorta) :-p
I call shenanigans!
Then again, maybe it finds my pictures to be too vulgar to show…
Byrd´s last blog ..Today, the 29th of January (Sorta)
@Byrd
Weird, I wonder why it picked the wrong blog post.
Tami´s last blog ..Thieves, Lawyers, and Web Posting
Good call on the passive voice thing, Steve. Here’s a good example of the difference:
He was whistling as he walked down the street. [Boring, but not passive.]
He was captured as he walked down the street. [Boring and passive.]
In the first sentence, “he” is still doing the action, so it’s not passive. In the second, however, “he” receives the action of the transitive verb, therefore “he” is passive. To activate this subject, tell the reader exactly what was going on:
The Verby Vampires captured him as he walked down the street.
That said, I don’t subscribe to the theory that every single use of passive voice is evil and must be avoided at all costs. There is, after all, a time and place for everything. That said, I do believe it can be overused, so you should always be on the lookout for “lazy action.”
Charlie Hills´s last blog ..The Greatest of These…
@Charlie
Writers should aim for writing that is neither boring nor passive.
Also, transitive verbs arg. You two and your crazy grammar talk!
Tami´s last blog ..Thieves, Lawyers, and Web Posting
@Charlie: Oh, I completely agree that the use of passive voice should be restrained, rather than eliminated. Sometimes, you just need to use it…just as you sometimes need to end a sentence with a preposition (yeah, that’s a bad example, but no coffee yet!).
AHA! Tami, thank you–my next 2-minute drill will clarify the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs. Stay tuned! ;)
Steve Hall´s last blog ..Two-Minute Drill: The Comma Splice
I feel stupid, mainly because I used to know all these words and spent a great deal of time attending english classes. Now I’m left wondering where all my knowledge of the English language hath disappeared to.
MEH.
Byrd´s last blog ..What am I Doing!? (Part 1, Project 1)