Hook, Logline, and Sinker
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Loglines
MSFV posted the start of a rather epic contest on her blog – and the first hoop writers need to leap through involves loglines.
Loglines are teasers. They tantalize. Hint at something incredible. Take root in their target’s brains and make them ITCH to read the book they’re talking about.
They’re also ridiculously daunting for the writer who is trying to distill their 100,000 word novel into a travel-sized package.
Fear Not!
On that same blog post, MSFV posted the very best, most hilariously appropriate formula for a logline that I’ve ever seen.
It came from Holly Bodger, though I couldn’t find the specific quote on her website.
Ta da!
“When [MAIN CHARACTER] [INCITING INCIDENT], he [CONFLICT]. And if he doesn’t [GOAL] he will [CONSEQUENCES].”
Exercise
What do you say we have some fun with this? If you’re anything like me, you’ve got more than one story kicking up dust in the caverns of your mind. Let’s give voice to a couple of them.
If you can’t fill in all the blanks, there’s a good chance you’re missing a key element in your story. This is a logline-builder AND a diagnostic tool, all in one!
CHOOSE
When an eccentric heiress hires a ragtag airship pirate crew to help her prove that Starbirth is more than just a myth, she doesn’t expect to get tangled up in the political machinations of a power-hungry seraph lord. If she and her crew don’t find the truth first, the seraph lord will use it to unleash an ancient weapon to destroy their world.
STAINED
When a hopeful girl with a magical Stain for storytelling finds out that an insane king’s madness is no accident, she risks her heart, her future, and her life to use her gift to save him. If she doesn’t find and stop the person feeding the king’s insanity soon, the simmering anger among his people will explode in a revolt that will claim the lives of thousands of innocents.
WHEW. Looks like I need to work on refining the [CONSEQUENCES] in Stained, make sure they’re solid. I spent a lot of time waffling on how to phrase them.
Your Turn!
What logline will you throw into the deep blue publishing sea, hoping for a nibble?
References
Miss Snark’s First Victim – Great blog for general writer encouragement and advice, but ALSO for writing contests, honest critiques, and catching an agent’s eye.
Random Notes from Holly Bodger – One of my favorite writer craft blogs. A true gem.
Lines in the Sand:
When a pyromaniac princess unexpectedly finds herself on the throne of her late brother’s kingdom, she quickly runs afoul of political forces–from within and without! If she doesn’t untagle the knot of intrigues the entire Empire is in danger of collapsing. Does she dare sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of the kingdom? Or can she save them and continue her brother’s dream as well?
(Needs some work, I think, but it’s not bad and actually helped me clarify things a little!)
Amber´s last post ..Omens
Oh, that’s fantastic, Amber! I -adore- the pyromaniac bit – totally hooked me!
A couple of comments:
1) You have a few vague statements, such as “quickly runs afoul of political forces”, “knot of intrigues” and “her own happiness”. Both of these make me wonder what you really mean. It’s always best to either be specific or leave it out. Vague doesn’t hook; it just confuses.
2) Consequences should always be specific and dire. “Is in danger of collapsing” is not really dire. “Will collapse” is dire.
3) I would try to merge the last two questions into the second sentence. For example (note that I am replacing vague statements with made-up ones…this is not a suggestion for a plot overhaul!):
When a pyromaniac princess finds herself on the throne of her late brother’s kingdom, she soon finds herself the target of an assassination plot. If she doesn’t give up the man she loves, not only will she die, the entire Empire–and her brother’s dream–will collapse.
Holly Bodger´s last post ..Creating a Secondary Character
Meep! The expert makes an appearance! <3
O.O
Amber´s last post ..Omens
Holly’s the Log Line Expert. Lucky you, getting a crit from the expert!
Lucky? I’m scared!
Amber´s last post ..Omens
*giggles* Those are the same emotions, right? Every time I get lucky, I duck down like a rabbit scenting a wolf nearby.
Alright let’s shake it out a ltitle bit and see what I end up with.
When a pyromaniac princess finds herself on the throne of her late brother’s kingdom, she soon finds herself the target of a political plot to leave her with no kingdom at all! If she can’t pull off her wild compromise to found a new kingdom, her life–and the entire Empire–is at risk.
Amber´s last post ..Omens
Tami crit : She’s “finding herself” a lot, which makes it look like she’s not an active heroine, but rather someone to whom bad things happen. Crack the whip at your verbs and make them pull harder.
Also, more detail on the compromise – what’s wild about it and what makes it seem like it won’t work? Also, I get why her life is at risk, but not why the entire empire is at risk. Sure, Napoleon was pretty sure the French would fall into the ocean without his leadership, but most empires seem to do just fine with periodic changes in rulership.
Thanks for the great examples. I really like how you saw how you can use the log-line-builder as a diagnostic tool! Working diligently to tighten my log line up.
<3 I'm so glad you enjoyed them! (they were harder to write than I thought!)
Good luck on your own log line!
The day the ships arrived was the day we found out the Greek Myths were more than just stories. A war that happened eons ago ended with an eternal prison sentence deep within the Earth’s core. Now, They have returned to stage a prison break and free their generals. The Titanomachy isn’t over and the Earth is in the crossfire.
It’s loose because it’s just an idea I’ve had floating in my head for ages. No time to write it…yet…
Elmer for Space Admiral
You didn’t follow the formula! Cheater. There’s no sense of hero/heroine in there!
Also, Elmer gets motion sickness. THINKING about space makes him break out in hives.
Yeah I don’t really have a hero/heroine yet since I haven’t decided what POV I want the story from. Earth? or the Invaders?
Sorry for cheating but I wanted to participate in a small way. :)
*hugs* Participation is always welcome! <3
I’m excited to see where you take the story!
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When a trio of unlikely comrades board a luxury train named the Silver Tiger, they get caught in an intricate web of threatening events involving steam-powered thieves, religious terrorists, and a deadly samurai assassin. If the heroes don’t confront their enemies, the empire of an industrialized Japan will collapse.
Awesome! would you like a crit, beyond just the “holy crap, that sounds awesome!” ?