Authors vs Writers
This blog’s been awfully quiet lately – a sure sign that I’m struggling with something. I tend to work through my problems in private, which translates neatly into blogging gaps.
I’ve still not managed to completely solve the problem, but I’ve reached a realization.
See, there comes a point when you have to decide just how seriously you take writing.
What’s the difference between an Author and a Writer?
Is it skill? Goodness, no. Is it love of the craft? Absolutely not.
So what is it? I believe it’s intent.
Authors have intent to publish. Authors are doggedly determined to pursue this goal through the well-documented trials and tribulations in their path.
Authors will crank out one or two finished books a year while holding down a full time job and raising a family.
Again, in no way is this an indicator that being a Writer is a bad thing. Writers are exceptionally passionate about their writing. But writers have the luxury to write when their muse calls, whereas Authors have deadlines. Authors don’t have more active muses, they simply have a switch flipped in their brains that tells them NOT writing isn’t an option.
Making a Choice
I want to be an Author. Heck, it’s in the blog’s subtitle – “Aspiring Author”. (Oh yes, I just said “heck”. I’m from Texas. I came this || close to typing “heckfire”, so count your blessings.)
To do that, to make the shift from being a Writer to an Author, I have to take my writing more seriously.
Fear
I’m afraid. If I tell myself it’s important, all the sudden it matters if I fail. My fear of failure is legendary, but I REFUSE to let fear rule my future. I am POWERFUL and I have control over my decisions and my actions. Acting out of fear (or refusing to acknowledge it) is not an option on the path to becoming an Author. It’s stagnation. And when I’m an old lady on my deathbed, I would rather look back over my life and remember the struggle to succeed, even if it ends in failure, than to say that I stagnated.
Selfishness
I feel as though doing so is being selfish. In many ways, I try to schedule my writing in such a way that it doesn’t interfere with the time I spend with my family, particularly my husband. In order to take this more seriously, one thing I am absolutely going to have to do is schedule time, every day, to write. In many ways, this is a more real barrier to my writing – and it’s also the more stupid of my fears. My husband is incredibly supportive of my writing, and has offered to let me write and enabled me to take the time to do so on many an occasion that I have passed up. The problem isn’t him, it’s ME. This is the part of my personality that allowed me to be a doormat to my friends in high school. I can’t blame my shoddy experiences on them, not when I’m so skilled at sabotaging myself. This behavior has to stop. Wanting an hour a day to write is not selfish. It wouldn’t be selfish even if my husband and family were trying to actively keep me from writing, and it’s certainly not selfish when my husband wants to read the next installment of Choose just as badly as my other readers. If anything, it’s more selfish to keep that writing inside my head rather than getting it out.
Sabotage
The closer I get to becoming an Author, the more I sabotage myself, and the more tense and uptight I get about the whole process. Editing my half of the Song of Binding should have been done over a month ago, regardless of the company move that took so much of June. What’s holding me back, what’s keeping me from finishing this?
Just me.
The more time passes, the more I simultaneously regret and applaud my decision to hold off Blue Moon and Choose until I got a stride on editing Song of Binding. If I allowed myself the creative outlet of Choose and Blue Moon, it might have taken me much longer to face these problems.
Goal
I am, from this day forward, an Author. Being an Author isn’t about being published or having your name on the cover of a book, it’s about the way you approach writing. Being an author means you have a second job, not a hobby. I am an Author.
Big words, yes. I’m still afraid, and I’m still going to falter.
I’m standing at a train station. I have my ticket, my bags are packed, and I’m ready to leave. I’ve stood on this platform many times before, and watched the train leave, spilling gouts of steam and disappearing into the hazy distance. I turned my back on that future time and time again, and yet still I find myself standing on this platform.
This time, I’m tipping my hat to those fears. I am acknowledging them, and I know they are trying to help me. They’re trying to protect me, keep me from harm, but they’re also holding me back.
The whistle blows. The train is leaving.
This time, I’ll be on it.
Bravo!
Damn, I can’t wait to see where it takes you! I know it is headed for big things.
I am so proud, honey. Congrats on such a big step, it is truly inspiring:)
@Bre
*huge hugs* Couldn’t have done it without you and the gang, telling me that my writing is worth the gamble. <3
Very profound, very strong.
It only ends once, everything that happens before that…its just progress.
Selfishness does not equate with morally wrong. Being selfish is good, its *your* life after all, and if you don’t hold *your* life as an ultimate value, than what can you value? Romantic love is selfish, if it was otherwise, if it had nothing to do with your values and choices, then it wouldn’t be love but instead some disgusting duty. Choosing to be an author is selfish, for whom else are you making this choice? Doing what it takes to be an author, absolutely selfish – and its all *morally* good as long as its aligned with your values.
Note that being an author will likely teach you misery, but you’ll persevere to achieve your goals anyway. That isn’t sacrifice, which requires giving up the greater value for the lesser value, that is selfishly pursuing a life’s goal. See that being selfish isn’t a hedonistic orgy of pleasure – where would that get you? – its hard work, that you can be *proud* of afterwards.
[...] 15, 2009 by Dechion I read a post written by Tami not long ago that talked about the difference between an author and a [...]
*Waves cane and gestures randomly*
Nothing but good will come from this, I’m tellin’ ya!
Looking forward to readin’ more about how it works out for ya.
*nods off and mumbles*
@Rhotley
I need to add that to my vision board. <3
@Ratio
Very, very true. Thank you.
I wish emotions were swayed more easily by logic. Still, they can be at least temporarily muzzled by it, which is enough. *lovemuffins*
@Dechion
Pish tosh! *winks* You’re one of my supports in this writing thing, good sir. I’ll have you know it was at least partially your bad influence that led to this decision! *hugs*
And when you conquer your fear, we’ll all be in line at the bookstore.
I recall reading an interview with Stephen Baxter, arguably today’s most marketable hard sci-fi author, on the challenges and roadblocks he encountered. He tells a story about a manuscript he drafted that he was particularly proud of. So proud, in fact, that he sent it to the great and incomparable Arthur C. Clarke himself for review. That takes some stones!
Weeks go by with no word on the manuscript. Finally, one day, Stephen receives a package in the mail. It’s his manuscript. Tingling with anticipation he opens the package, and almost immediately: heartbreak. The manuscript is covered in red marks. Hardly a page goes by that doesn’t have some suggestion or correction or question penned on it.
“He hates it,” Stephen thought to himself. Rejected, he shelved the manuscript and went on to work on other projects.
The following year, Stephen was at a sci-fi author conference, where he actually got to meet with Mr. Clarke. Immediately, Arthur recognized Stephen and asked him how that manuscript was coming along. He was curious since he had not seen it published yet. Stephen was understandably shocked, and replied that he had shelved the project, thinking it was no good.
Arthur smiled and said simply, “The ones I don’t like don’t get sent back.”
Baxter and Clarke would later collaborate to produce one of Clarke’s best co-authored works (“The Light of Other Days”, check it out!). Had Baxter not first failed, a term used loosely, this likely would have never been possible.
You didn’t ask for any advice, but keep plugging along. Your fear of failure is natural, but overcoming that will enrich and strengthen you as a person and a professional. Once you accept that failure is an integral — perhaps even the most important! — part of success, there’s nothing you can’t achieve.
@Christopher
*hugs* Excellent advice (and with a marvelous story to go along with it). Thank you. Not only is failure okay, it is vital to success. I need to remember that, and welcome it.
HUZZAH!! Your words have given ME inspiration! While I’m not yet an Author (barely a Writer), I can see clearly the fork in the road, and I think I shall endeavor to follow the path less traveled.
While I share your fear of failure, I think, like you, I fear more not having tried.
@Steve
*hugs* Glad I could inspire! Good luck on your own journey, good sir! Mayhaps we’ll meet on the restaurant car. *winks*
Hey Tami-
Well said! I feel exactly that way (not about writing, but any number of other things, yes). And I also do the sabotage-myself thing. I’m also trying to just DO things, instead of thinking about them or wishing all the time. Good luck!! Hopefully we can succeed together!
@Camelai
I wish you luck and much success!
~waves from the platform~ SEND ME A COPY OF YOUR BOOK! ~more waving~
Well stated! I personally find fear of success more debilitating than fear of failure (how cracked up is *that*??). And yet ultimately only we can control our own responses to fear.
Btw, found your site thru SBTB – it’s gorgeous! I can’t wait to poke around some more and see what this “Choose” is all about. :)
Best of luck!
Tami,
That’s an exciting decision to make. I’m curious to see where it takes you (printed novels, internet serials, wherever). Without getting into Randian discussions of morality qua selfishness, I don’t think becoming an author is a bad or really even selfish thing (at least not any more selfish than my being a developer or manager instead of a doctor in a poverty-striken land). I think it’s hard and I think becoming, and being, a full-time author will be hard, but I think you can pull through it. And you can always count on me as a reader (and to be critical if you want — I’ve got to be good at something).
Have you read “Letters to a Fiction Writer”, edited by Frederick Busch? I’ve only gotten a little ways in, but you might find it interesting (and relevant to your decision).
@KristenSue
Signed ones, you betcha!
@Bonnie
You reminded me of a great quote :
Marianne Williamson :: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Choose is easily found – http://tamimoore.com/choose It’s a webserial, where each installment is written based on the results from a poll that comes from the previous installment. Choose Your Own Adventure style!
@Brad-o
Authors ALWAYS need editors who love you enough to tell you where your work needs some help. (we also need the unconditional love editors, mind you).
<3
I’ve never heard of that book, but it is now added to my list!
Cheers! It takes a great deal of introspection to lead to the ideals that we so seriously wish to follow. I commend you for the process, and I wish you all the best!
@Krizzlybear
*hugs* Thank you!