Sometimes I have to wonder. Maybe when I was younger, I frolicked through the forest with a basket of goodies and came upon an old, hideous-but-kindly-visaged hag upon a fork in the path. Maybe on that day I chose not to stop and help out the old lady, though surely she cried out piteously for a bit of bread and some directions.
I can only imagine that she must have been a witch or fairy in disguise, and that I failed some crucial test of worthiness such as the heroes and heroines of fairy tales would have passed without thought.
Perhaps, too, it is not permitted to use the same curse twice. The wicked stepsisters of yore were cursed to have toads and thorns spew from their lips when they spoke (while of course roses and diamonds spilled from the lips of the good sister). That was pretty barbaric (even the gift) but what’s done is done. It’s been a while, and now the witches are having to get creative.
I have failed multiple tests of valor in my life. My curses, thus numbered, are :
- I cannot microwave popcorn. It burns EVERY time. If I try a bag and pull it out after only a single pop, I will surely find that half of the kernels are a blackened, fragrant mess.
- I cannot choose a checkout line. No matter which line I choose, how many people are in front of me, how small their packages, I will always have chosen the line which would get me out the door the slowest. Someone needs to write a check, someone needs a price check, someone needs to split their purchase into multiple receipts. It never fails. I have given up on trying to find a short line, and instead plant myself at the end of the first one I find and turn off my brain while I wait.
- No matter what time of day it is, what car I am in, how far my drive is, or what radio stations are playing, I am never allowed to hear more than one song at a time. Commercials will begin, or the DJs will talk, or the weather report, or the traffic report, or a breaking news bulletin, or aliens taking over the planet. It never fails. This is why I love my iPod with such ferocity.
Anybody else out there with a mild, modern day curse, or am I all alone?
This post reminds me of a funny story. While I was travelling in Asia with my cousin’s family this past summer, we went through a myriad of checkpoints in various airports that we had visited. As such, my two cousins and I would make little wagers at the airport lineups, whether it be for customs checks or passport processing. We each picked a line, and whoever made it through the checkpoint first would have first dibs on bed choice at the hotel that we would be staying in.
That being said, no hotel was below four stars in quality, so the quality of bed was not as big a factor as position in the room. Regardless of the ludicrous nature of said activity, it still remains as a positive memory of the experience, and a great bonding opportunity with my extended family members.
@Krizzlybear
Well….who won?!
Oh, yes yes. I never won. There was always someone who didn’t have proper papers for the clearance checks, and I was always stopped in customs because I carried a brass chinese chess set in my carry-on. Airport officials always found the x-rays weird, if not suspicious. The looks on their faces when they were examining each individual piece were priceless, if not destressing due to the time constraints of continuous travel.
My dad commonly talks about how he’s cursed. Murphy’s law is embodied by my dad. If he needs to get somewhere fast, there’s always traffic. If he knows the directions to a place in his head, he makes a wrong turn and gets lost. If we bring along a map to the place, the map is outdated and doesn’t have the right streets on it. If he turns on the radio to listen to traffic, he catches the end of all the traffic reports. If he turns on the radio for music, he gets talk radio. If he turns it on for talk radio, they’re talking about something stupid.
I also want to add: Getting into the shower causes the phone to ring.
That’s all I got. If I think of more I’ll tell ya.
One-third of all persons who visit my house will back up off of my driveway into the yard and over my water main when they leave. Brook is presently fixing that issue — either structurally or with fisticuffs, I don’t know. All I can say is that she’s been muttering about large rocks.
All pens in my mother-in-law’s house end up in her purse. All of them. Unless my father-in-law is uber-vigilant and yells at her for merely looking at his pens. He has one good pen that he watches like a hawk.
All of our tweezers and nail clippers are migratory creatures. I haven’t quite figured out their patterns, but there’s something going on there.
Brook’s sister cannot go through airport security without a hassle (bags rifled through, extra scanning, pat downs). She also cannot travel without getting sick.
@Krizzlybear
*Laughs* You take a brass chess set with you when you travel? Or you bought it while there?
Reminds me – a friend of mine was unable to join her family on a trip to Germany (or possibly Scotland, I can’t remember which). Her mom bought her a large, heavy leaded crystal cross. EVERY customs stop panicked at the “hammer” in her luggage.
HAMMER OF GOD, obviously!
@Jack
The shower thing would totally suck.
@Brad-o
I believe Brook capable of anything. Perhaps the rocks are for preventative landscaping, but equally likely, she’s building some sort of catapult.
(also, hee, you said ‘fisticuffs’)
At least your mother-in-law can find a pen when she needs one. Our pens travel but end up nowhere. I have one TIED TO MY DESK. That seems to have thwarted it for now.
Cell Phone: I can hear and answer anyone’s call except my husbands… his always fall into the black hole.
Chapstick: I have about 12 chapstick thingies between my house, car, purse, and desk. I’ll have 3 when I don’t need them and can’t find a single one when I do need them.
Scissors: Same thing. I bought 5 or 6 pairs of scissors at the dollar store a while back so they could just float around the house. I currently know where 1 pair is and they come and go as they please.
Carpet Tacks: There’s one spot in my lauandry room where a carpet tack is sticking up. I can only find it with my toes. The hubby and I have tried to find it with our fingers so we could get rid of it or hammer it down so I don’t step on it… never can find it except when I step on it.
Lauren´s last blog ..Quick and Easy Dinner
Oh man the checkout line thing, I thought I was the only person that happened to! I will always end up in the wrong line even if I foresee that there is a problem ahead of me and try to switch lines.
If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong. Murphy’s law thing.
If I need something to come through for me, not only will it not, but I will also befall some unlucky happenstance that this desperately needy thing is now more missed but all the more important.
Example:
1. I need to land freelance or something because I need money.
2. I don’t land any freelance.
3. My car breaks down.
So incredibly certain is this that I know to plan for things to go wrong, just in case, because I know I’ll need a backup plan.
Thankfully I have my husband to be lucky for me!
Ciggu´s last blog ..83
I thought you did end up landing some commissions then?
Tami´s last blog ..Fun With Twitter