How To Answer A Polite Question
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“Writer”
Jodi Meadows had a fantastic blog post over at her livejournal – I’m a writer (but I’m not going to tell my neighbor).
What do YOU say when someone asks you what you do?
The consensus over there seemed to be that most folks felt awkward and uncomfortable talking about being a writer. I’ve been on the receiving end of more than a few judgmental and sneering looks when I admit to being a writer – as though the term ‘writer’ were a trophy given only to those published few who sat at home and wrote full-time, supporting themselves and their family from the money their writing earns.
Um, no.
Most of the time, I just tell people I’m a programmer.*
The comments on Jodi’s post are pretty spectacular, but my favorite was from mmegeara/mmjustus, who said:
“Writing’s the only artistic endeavor I know of where you have to sell something in order to validate that you do it. I’ve never sold a quilt, but I don’t hesitate to tell people I’m a quilter.”
Ashamed?
Why do we feel this way? Is it the way other people respond? To a certain extent, yes – other people have preconceived notions about just what it means to be a writer, and they don’t have a ‘Tact’ elective in high school.
I think that’s only half of the equation, though. I can’t change the mental images that people have when I say that I’m a writer, or the hordes of scantily clad amazonian women and sparkling vampires that charge through their brain when I admit that I write fantasy.
I’m not ashamed of writing fantasy … yet I act like I am. Why?
I haven’t practiced.
It sounds silly, I’ll admit, but … have YOU practiced?
Practice
I have been to seminars, read self-help books, and taken classes which have extolled the virtues of practicing. Job interview? Practice with a friend. Want to ask your boss for a raise? Run through the conversation a few different ways in your head.
Why not do the same thing with this?
Think of all the possible reactions someone might have to you saying, “I’m a writer.” or “I’m writing a book.” and map out your responses to them. Plan. Practice.
The last thing you want is to start stuttering when someone asks you what your book is about! Practice a sales pitch for your book. Write a one-paragraph summary or imagine what the book-jacket or back of the book might say. Memorize it. Be prepared for someone to ask you about any of your writing endeavors, including your blog, if you have one.
This is a LOT HARDER than it seems. Writing a catchy, engaging, and short teaser/summary of a novel is as painful as it is necessary. You’ll need this to write a good query letter to an agent anyway – why not get started now?
Control
You can’t control their reaction, but you CAN present a professional, prepared, and comfortable response in the face of these questions.
What if YOU are the person asking someone else what they write? What response would you want? Especially if it turns out they write something you aren’t interested in, it would be much nicer to have them give a brief summary rather than a long, drawn-out, painfully stuttering chapter-by-chapter retelling of their story.
If they’re interested in knowing more after that, they can always ask. =]
An Exercise
If you’d feel comfortable doing it, I would love to see the synopsis for what you’re working on, or something you’d like to write, or your NaNoWriMo novel. You don’t have to comment here or blog it, but I do recommend taking the time to write one.
“Oh, you’re a writer? What are you writing?” I ask, a twinkle in my eye and a smile tugging the corner of my mouth.
* Followed up by a hasty note that I don’t know how to fix broken computers, maybe you should just wipe and re-install, and maybe don’t click on all the flashy advertisements and emails, kthxbye.
I suggest the 5 R’s of computer repair, as a suggestion for people that ask for tech support.
Retry, Reboot, Reinstall, Reformat, Recycle
As for saying you’re a writer – it’s something I’ve struggled with as well. Even when I was getting PAID for writing – people’d sniff at me like writing articles for an online magazine wasn’t “real” writing – “real” writing was a novel. Which is, of course, crap, but it was there.
And, as mentioned, I’d never have any issue saying I was a knitter or a sewer… but I spend 10 times more hours writing than I do knitting or sewing.
@Anna
Ha! Love the R’s
Yeah. All of my examples and most of my talk about writing revolve around novel writing, because that’s what I DO, but anyone being that nitpicky with the term “writer” needs to learn new vocabulary. “Novel writer,” perhaps. *laughs*
I like “writer” because it encompasses blogging, novel writing, webserials, roleplaying, and technical writing, all of which I enjoy and engage in. Takes less time to say that than list out the projects I’ve got. =]
Oh, boy, don’t I know where you are coming from…
I am an even more extreme case, because I cannot tell even my family, especially my mother, what I am writing, or THAT I am writing. Well, that comes from having a mother that thinks fantasy is a malady on small children that has to be cured as fast as possible, but still… Needless to say, my November talks with her were very interesting. “You sound very tired, what are you doing the whole day?”… “Um… nothing much… this and that. *changes topic hastily*”
I do not think of myself as a writer, in general, but by and large I try to keep what I am doing under wraps in the “real world”. One of the ways having a pen name is handy. And the fact it is fantasy makes it even worse, because somehow fantasy is not “real literature”, is it? No matter that I have a pile of books on mythology, anthropology, and history and I need to research before I can rewrite my NaNo novel. No matter that I spend hours poring over words, and struggling with them and trying to make them dance on the page, and tell a catching story. When asked what I do up so late at night, I answer “Um… nothing much.”
Yes, I am a bad case of “writer’s shame”. I am not sure just practice would be enough to cure me, but hey, might as well try. *smile* Great initiative, Tami!
.-= Iris´s last blog ..Becalmed: Chapter 5 =-.
@Iris
*hugs* I know what you mean. Thankfully, the “fantasy is the debil” (fooseball is the debil!) folks are rare, but it surely does rankle when they’re family.
Writers of any stripe (not just novelists, as Anna pointed out) have to face societal expectations and preconceived notions about what we do. I think that realizing that some people think fantasy is not “real literature” and then making your own assessment of the work that goes into writing fantasy, as you did, is the first step.
As long as YOU don’t belittle the writing you’re doing, that’s what matters.
I just remind myself that the folks who curl their lip when I mention vampires or fairies are probably not my target audience. I’m not aiming for the Oprah book list with what I do (though I’d take it! I would!) – the people who say “Oh, really? That’s so cool!” are the people I’m aiming my writing at. <3
Anyone can tell me that what I write is meaningless drivel, but I’m the only one who can make me believe it.
[...] check out my feedreader this morning, and coincidentally enough, Tami posted a new one, delving into how you as a writer might react when someone asks you what you do… or what [...]
I find myself reluctant to say it, too, partly because it’s not how I make my living (yet!), but also because of the exact stigma mentioned above: I’ve not been paid for anything I’ve done so far, so do I have the right to claim the title?
The answer is, as you’ve said, of course I do!
I was digging around Christopher Moore’s forums this morning, trying to find the post where he refuted that, declaring that anyone who writes — published or not — is a writer, gorram it. Sadly, the search failed me, so I don’t have any linkage. It’s still true, however, and if someone on the bestseller list is jumping up and down and shouting “YOU ARE A WRITER” at me, who am I to argue? :)
I know that for myself, if I tell someone about my day job (I work in the publishing industry), I steel myself for the nigh-on-inevitable “Oh? You’re in publishing? Well, I’m writing this book…” as though I’m the magical networking connection between themselves and a book deal. It’s uncomfortable for me, and since I’m way the hell down at the bottom of the food chain, it’s not like there’s much of a chance that I could hook anyone up.
Even in my bookstore days, once every month or so, someone would come in wanting to pitch a book to us, and it always felt like I was kicking their puppy when I told them we didn’t know any editors to pass their work along to.
Which is one of those separate but related issues, I suppose. I want to be proud to say “Hey! I write! And it’s fantasy and it’s awesome!” But there’s part of me that’s afraid I’m going to sound like the people who, as soon as I state where I work, stop seeing ME and start seeing blinky lights around me saying “OMG NETWORKING OPPORTUNITY!!1!”
Hrm. Food for thought for my train ride home…
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..FastPencil’s NaNo Offer: Bleh =-.
I have several friends who epitomise what you have said in your article about being ‘ashamed’ to admit to being a writer. They come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons why they don’t want people to know. I’ve never understood why as I’m very up front and brash about the fact that I’m an author and I write fantasy, because fantasy is a great genre that can include humour, adventure, history, romance, crime, philosophy, … whatever you like.
You know I have one friend who even wanted to withdraw her short story from a competition because she got on the short-list and suddenly realised that if she won she would have to be identified to accept the prize!! I suppose that’s where I get all my fantasy material from – the strange ways of folk I know!
Chris Warren
Author and Freelance Writer
Randolph’s Challenge Book One – the Pendulum Swings (Yes, not only a fantasy, but a fantasy trilogy)
@Lauren
Ugh. I HATE the blinky lights phenomenon that you’ve mentioned. The “what can this person do for ME?” mentality. It’s common enough even without the added frosting of a job in publishing – you’re a writer? Read my manuscript! Tell me what you think! Help me with this, help me with that…oh, sorry, I don’t have time to read YOUR stuff, but I’m sure it’s wonderful.
Magnified a thousand times if they think you can give them a back door or a fast track through the system, I imagine.
As to titles, I believe I’ll hold off on calling myself a “Published Fantasy Author” until someone gives me money, I give them a novel manuscript, and they print it.
Till then, I see nothing wrong with calling myself ‘writer’, or even ‘author’ on occasion. =]
@Chris
I’m glad to hear that not all authors suffer from writer’s shame. You must either have an unshakable self-confidence or very understanding friends and family. =]
I just wanted to say thank you for the validation [g].
And the wise article you put my words into.
@mmegaera
Thank YOU for the awesome and concise quote! Do you have a preferred blog or page you would like to be linked to where I have your name?
I will, soon. I have a webpage being designed as we speak, so to speak. It should be up and running after the first of the year. My LJ username is mmegaera (you’ve got me as mmegeara), but that’s personal, not professional.
Thank you so much for asking!
@mmegaera
If you remember and are interested, feel free to drop me a line once your website is set up. I’ll happily add the link and change the name to a professional one if you’d like. =]
(that, and I wouldn’t mind having the link in my feed reader)
Will do!
Only slightly off-topic:
So, I was in the shower, thinking*, and I had a very strong mental image of a fat paperback book, the spine lovingly creased from many reads and re-reads. The title was indistinct, but the author’s name was very clear, in golden, raised serif font: T.J. Moore
Don’t ask me why it was T.J. and not Tami, but it seemed to fit! Also: T. Jean Moore, as well as Jean Moore.
@Wilder
Well, I do believe I will take that as an excellent sign that I’m on the right track. =] Thanks for sharing!